The other night I was sitting there doing my homework (okay! I was watching TV) and my phone rang. I ignored it, as I usually do, because I didn't recognize the ringtone. And if I don't know your ringtone, you can just leave a message, buddy. As I said, I ignored it. Five minutes later it rang again. Once more, ignored. Another five minutes passed and it rang again. Weird, huh? I figured someone must have really wanted to get in touch with me, so I checked the number. It wasn't one I recognized. I ignored the call, but checked my voicemail right away. It went a little something like this...
9:24 P.M.
Hi, Heather. How are you? My name is Chris and I'm calling for Daniel. I don't know if he's your girlfriend (no, that's not a typo) or whatever, but Kimberly is my wife and I wanted to tell him to stop contacting her. They used to be friends but they're not now, so he really needs to stop contacting her. If he wants to get confrontational about this, he can call me. Look... I don't want this to come to fisticuffs, but if he has a problem he can come to me about it. I don't mind handing him his ass. So, Daniel, if you're listening... LEAVE KIM THE FUCK ALONE.9:30 P.M.
Hey Heather. Sorry. Daniel, you think you're real fuckin' funny don't you? You like to play your little games. I know what you did to Kim. She has witnesses. (Insert random profanity about the quantity of Daniel's pubic hair, questioning of Daniel's sexual orientation, something about sending Daniel back to prison (though I'm not sure how kicking Daniel's ass will send him to prison), etc.) Call me back. Come over. You think you're a big boy? I'll show you a big boy. You ain't nothin. --- I love how he was all polite, even inquring about my health before laying into Daniel (whoever that is). Then the next time he apologizes before his colorful little rant. Ahhh... I get the best wrong number messages!
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