Friday, July 28, 2006

Haiku Friday

In which I post here
a tragic mockery of
Japanese poems.

Grudge held makes you weak.
Seek revenge and dance on strings
for sly puppeteers.

Retribution sought
leaves one open to clever
manipulation

Weak is the person
who seeks only reprisal.
Release and move on.

Two wrongs do not make
a right, but two Wrights, my friend,
do make an airplane.

Painful ache behind
my eyes. Forehead is throbbing.
Going home early.

Influenza is
far too long a word to say
when you could say flu.

Monkey toupees are
the brain child of boredom and
too much tequila.

One hand doesn’t know
the other is flipping off
valued customers.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Fun with spam

Subject: But now I can penetrate hardly and give the pleasure to every woman!

Hello to you! The good news are that this obstacle can be overcome by you, the real man. Results are guaranteed with Extra-Time, the number one solution for any male. Lack control over your squirting? Partner unhappy with the time you last in bed? Come on in here: http://blahblahblah.blah Girls will start spreading rumors about the duration they got with you.

I received this spam today (at work) and it made me laugh. Especially the part about squirting.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Three-Quarters-Through Review

I had a fairly scathing review (okay, more of a rant actually) written for Danse Macabre by Laurell K. Hamilton but I don’t think I will post it. I am still deeply annoyed and disappointed in the book, but I may have been a bit too harsh. I still love the earlier books but that’s not going to stop me from pointing out a few of the problems I had with the book. I’ll just do it in a (somewhat) less caustic manner. (EDIT: I suppose I should note there may be spoilers below. But honestly, if you've read everything up to this point, you pretty much already know what happened.)

First of all, enough with the multiple-chapter sex scenes. We get it. Everyone wants Anita (and they usually get her). She’s hot. The guys are hot. Everyone’s hot. And they all have fantastic sex together. Got it. I don’t have a problem with the actual having of sex or the frequency with which Anita has sex. The problem is that it is taking up precious page-space where plot should be.

Also, when you talk about a character, or reintroduce them, I don’t think it’s really necessary to spend a paragraph talking about the texture of their hair or how electric blue their eyes are, but not quite as blue as Jean-Claude’s eyes. Again, they’re all hot. Yes, we know.

The main problem I have with the book is, as I’ve mentioned, the lack of new plot. What little plot is present is somewhat convoluted and hard to follow, with new preternatural rules and exceptions to those rules made up at the drop of a hat. There’s nothing very original about this book. It is a rehashed conglomeration of previous plots. For example:

  • In DM, Belle Morte takes over Anita’s body briefly. Also happened in Cerulean Sins.


  • In DM, the Mother of Darkness is waking up soon and invades Anita’s dreams. Also happened in Cerulean Sins.


  • In DM, Anita tries to withdraw her power and injures Damien. Also happened in Narcissus in Chains.


  • In DM, Richard throws a hissy fit and storms off. Also happened in just about every other book in the series. Jesus, Richard, get over it.


  • There are probably more, but these are the major ones just off the top of my head. In this book, Anita solves no murders, raises no zombies and doesn’t even kill anyone! This is not the Anita we have come to know and love. I hope she comes back soon. I miss her.

    Tuesday, July 18, 2006

    Evolution

    I love the characters I’ve created for Hope, but I want to know more about them and the world they live in. So, it is time for world-building. It’s amazing to me that if I change one aspect of the world, it changes the characters themselves. Or they could if I let them. Which, evolution being what it is, I am compelled to do so. I just have to uncover the clues to decide which changes stay and which are out the window.

    Wayne and I did some intensive work a couple of years ago figure out schools of magic and ways it could be used. I am going to incorporate that magic into this story, with some modifications. It’s two hundred years down the road from the original (and as yet unwritten) story we were working on at the time, so it’s only natural that the magic should change over time. It is a somewhat daunting task, but I am up to it. I think. Also looking forward to thoroughly mutilating the English language. Slang is fun! Think... A Clockwork Orange (sans ultraviolence), if you could understand what they were saying. Yeah. Frankenslang.

    Friday, July 14, 2006

    Hope and pain

    Well, Hope seems to have a mind of her own. What started as a few words inspired by a randomly generated name has morphed into almost 3500 words. I'm not sure what exactly her story is, but so far she has me hooked. I hope I keep this momentum until... well, until it's finished I suppose. I tried very hard not to get seduced away from Sands by anything until it was finished, but I am smitten.

    On the real world front, I had a visit with my orthopedist today. Tendonitis apparently. Fun stuff. The doc was kind enough to tell me he was going to stick a needle in my shoulder and pump me full of cortisone, then leave me to dwell on that thought for the next ten minutes. You'd think he could have the courtesy to stab me immediately, so I wouldn't have time to get butterflies. If it was a regular shot I wouldn't have thought much about it. But there was something a little unsettling about the thought of a needle going in amongst the bones and tendons where needles ought not to be. But it was fine. A little pinch and then a strange probing sensation that went away before I knew it. Badabing bada ouch.

    I'm also supposed to have aquatic physical therapy three times a week for the next four weeks. I'm curious as to what that actually entails. No one told me to bring a bathing suit, so I'm not stressing about it too much. I just hope the co-pay doesn't kill me because you know if you do the math that is 12 visits in one month. And a specialist co-pay is $20 a visit. So that would be $240. Maybe my shoulder doesn't hurt that much after all.

    Wednesday, July 12, 2006

    Back to the grind

    Vacation is over. Bummer. That means back to the writing schedule I set up (if only I knew where I put it) and back to the eating of healthy foods and going to bed before 2 a.m. Stupid vacation being over! On the medical front I have an appointment with an orthopedist (I guess that's what he is - ortho-somethingist) to get my shoulder finally taken care of. I will be happy to be able to do little things like pull a blanket over me or turn the steering wheel with my left hand and not be in pain.