Two Things...

About Gwen's performance:

1. Chris Sligh was having some clapping issues. Poor guy. He really does have rhythm problems. (And ultimately those problems came back to bite him in ye olde ass, didn't they? So long, Curly Sue!)

2. Akon... his only contribution was the occassional "Woo-Hoo Yee-Hoo" and "Yeah!" and "Make some noise!" Yawn. Oh, and his pants were falling down.

The remote is my razor blade

I've been feeling kind of overwhelmed with work and school and the trials and tribulations of sitting on my ass watching TV when I should be TCB. On more than one occassion I've been just going about my business and suddenly all of my missed deadlines pop into my brain and start wailing at me. A near panic attack most assuredly follows. I was in such a state just now while flipping channels and I stopped on VH1. I don't know why I stopped. "I Love New York" was on and I usually hit the clicker as fast as I can because I don't even want to see one tiny glimpse of New York's hideous face lest I vomit profusely. But I didn't keep going. I fought back the nausea and watched. The manwhores were sliding on some sort of homemade slip-n-slide, then New York's mother was on a tirade, stomping through the house looking for a "buttnekkid ho." (I swear I got dumber just recalling the episode.) When I finally came to my senses and changed the channel, I felt so relieved. The one thing that popped into my head was that THIS is why anorexic teenage girls cut themselves. It was painful while it was happening, but when it was over I felt so much better.

(And on an unrelated note: What the fuck is up with Sanjaya's fucking hair? And why the fuck is he still on the fucking show? Stop it. Seriously.)

Minor Freakout

A big nasty black spider just fell from the ceiling and bounced off my keyboard onto my notebook. Jesus hell! Somehow I contained my urge to scream like a little girl and merely flug the spider across the office. Uck. Now I keep looking up at the ceiling to make sure there aren't anymore and thinking that if I had been typing at that very second that spider could have touched my BARE FLESH. Uck. Uck again. Uck.

Extreme Makeover: Zombie Edition

I was watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition the other day (don't ask me why) and Ty told a mother who had recently lost her son, "We can't bring him back, but we can..." Blah blah blah. I didn't even catch the last half of the sentence (but I'm sure it had something to do with building a house) because I was thinking about what a great show it would be if they COULD bring people back from the dead. People would submit their home-video applications and those with the most tragic, compelling stories would be selected and a Voodoo priestess would come butcher a chicken in their living room, raising their beloved family member from the dead. Yes! I would totally watch that. Of course I already watch it and all they raise is a house. Anyway, just a thought.