What I'm thinking...

I feel a little vomit rise into my throat when I even consider going to see The Time Traveler's Wife. Or My Sister's Keeper. Or pretty much any popular movie that was released in the last year (especially if there is a mall cop involved). Of course that didn't stop me from seeing a ton of movies last month.

Also.

If you are an adult please don't refer to your stomach as your "tummy" and don't say you have to go "potty".

That is all. For now.

Taste the bitter

I have no fucking patience for stupidity today. First, I had to turn off the radio before the dumbass commercials forced me to drive off a bridge or something.

Then I took a drink of my coffee only to find that the wrong caramel flavoring had been used. The new girl used the one that tastes like vomity maple syrup instead of the one that tastes like CARAMEL. The other employees know that you don't use the maple syrup one, but apparently the new girl wasn't adequately trained in this. I hate making a fuss over it, but I would have if I'd have tasted it before I left the store, the parking lot or the town. My ire about this situation isn't directed at the new girl necessarily, but the slack quality of coffee I've gotten there the last few times. It's coffee, dammit. How can you keep fucking it up so badly, Dunkin' Donuts??

And finally, Wayne called the laundry place to find out how much they charge per pound (because we have a ton of laundry and we have better things to do than sit at a laundromat for five hours if we can avoid it). The conversation went a little something like this:

Wayne: How much is it per pound?
Idiot: It goes by weight.
Wayne: What if it weighed one pound?
Idiot: I would have to weigh it.
Wayne: Um, okay. Thanks.

Upon hearing (or reading, as it were) a transcript of this conversation I immediately 1) choked back a fiery rage and 2) asked if she was aware that a pound was actually a unit used to measure the weight of an object. He didn't ask her, but I'm willing to bet she had no idea.

GRARG!

See? I told you! It's a day later and I'm hearing someone RIGHT NOW talk about how Obama is related to Brad Pitt.

Hello, downward spiral

This story caught my eye, then I felt a little like I might throw up. Seriously. I'm not sure if I'm more annoyed at the media for writing it, the genealogists for doing the research in the first place or the fact that some people probably base their entire political opinions on shit like this.

Maybe I'm just bitter because I got canned yesterday. Well, technically I guess I was just informed of my impending canning as of May 30, 2008. (To clarify, it wasn't just me. Five of my co-workers got the axe also. Budget issues or some such. That makes it all okay, doesn't it?)

The remote is my razor blade

I've been feeling kind of overwhelmed with work and school and the trials and tribulations of sitting on my ass watching TV when I should be TCB. On more than one occassion I've been just going about my business and suddenly all of my missed deadlines pop into my brain and start wailing at me. A near panic attack most assuredly follows. I was in such a state just now while flipping channels and I stopped on VH1. I don't know why I stopped. "I Love New York" was on and I usually hit the clicker as fast as I can because I don't even want to see one tiny glimpse of New York's hideous face lest I vomit profusely. But I didn't keep going. I fought back the nausea and watched. The manwhores were sliding on some sort of homemade slip-n-slide, then New York's mother was on a tirade, stomping through the house looking for a "buttnekkid ho." (I swear I got dumber just recalling the episode.) When I finally came to my senses and changed the channel, I felt so relieved. The one thing that popped into my head was that THIS is why anorexic teenage girls cut themselves. It was painful while it was happening, but when it was over I felt so much better.

(And on an unrelated note: What the fuck is up with Sanjaya's fucking hair? And why the fuck is he still on the fucking show? Stop it. Seriously.)